To quote a friend’s recent observation on my situation: “Getting laid is awesome. Getting off is awesome. Getting laid off? Not so much. They should change the name and call it something else. Like maybe ‘punched in the genitals’… that would be a good name.” As upset as I was about getting laid off last week, I have to admit it led to some GOOD with my FBF. He abandoned his elusive routine to play the ‘knight in shining armor.’
Prior to last week, we were on equal ends of the earning spectrum– both of us earning significant still-employed finance salaries. Despite my generous severance and the fact that I did not ask for any help, my FBF “Michael” seemed to really enjoy stepping up to bat on my day of reckoning. He offered to pay my rent for a month, take me along on all the trips he had planned for work in February (Vegas, Miami and London) AND offered to let me stay with him come March, if needed.
Prior to this Michael had never offered to pay for anything more than a vodka cran. (nor had I expected him to) so this surprised me beyond belief. Is the financial crisis actually strengthening my relationship? I have had friends tell me he was intimidated by my ability to keep up with him at my job. Is he more interested in me now that I am not competing with him?
I am stunned by his behavior and would like to throw a few questions out to the forum. Do FBFs really want a helpless princess that they can ‘rescue’?
Are our power struggles with FBFs due to our inability to accept their huge egos? Or is it their inability to accept a woman as successful as themselves?
Regardless, I am accepting his help gratefully and hoping that the sh*t does not hit the fan when I am once again kicking Wall Street *ss.
-Allison – the FGF’s - story, as told by Allison
Tags: wall street
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You know what, dear? I had a FBF for a long time who was exactly as the one you describe. I lost my job due to restructuring and moved in with him and that is when the trouble started. He turned out to be petty, demanding, and I basically ended up seeing him for what he was…a spoiled mama’s boy. I realized that his only goal in life was to make a lot of money. He also spent a lot of his spare time volunteering for the ACLU, PETA, and other liberal causes. I came to resent him and his cold, clammy, pansy hands, so on the spur of the moment, I decided to go visit a college friend in Ohio. About three days into my stay with her, we were out for drinks one night and I met a man, who I will call “Flannel”. Flannel was a ruggedly handsome outdoorsman who works in an environmental field. He’s about twenty years older than me, with a full, luxurious head of hair and beard, and sinewy frame. Regardless of the age difference we hit it off right away. To make a long story short, we ended up together that night first night, and I haven’t been away from him since…except to go back to New York to get my things. The lovemaking is FABULOUS and I never knew that men such as him still existed in this world. However, the men in the heartland of America ARE different…they are real men, not like the cold, pasty, money-grubbing “men” like my ex and the men of the east-coast culture. I am now pregnant with his twins, and it thrills me so much to know that his seed is growing in my womb. My advice to you honey, is to get away from that culture of greed, and get out into the heartland of America and find a REAL MAN like my Flannel. You won’t regret it.
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This post started off strong but overall lacks the wit of the other entries. Nice try.
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The comment about getting laid off is pretty funny. The commentary near the end about Wall Street coming back is really wishful thinking. This is a historic, systemic issue that we’re dealing with. The heyday of investment banking is gone. “Investment bank” is actually an oxymoron. Investing and banking are two different things entirely. They shouldn’t be used in the same sentence, and people are finally coming to realize that. Welcome to Realityville, a 1 star location compared to Manhattan. Think pushing burgers around instead of pushing money around.
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DABA Girls, I think I’m in love you.
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Lovely opening, and probably true. Not as hot here in Paris as it is in the US, yet, but the crisis is rolling and I’ve noticed my banker is dressing down (she’s at Societé General). Being an artist, it’s hard to get laid off…but quand même, as you say getting off and getting laid are becoming more art than craft.
Best… MR/PARIS
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I read your article on IHT. I live in Paris but did the DABA thing in London two years ago “BR” but mergers and lay offs were in swing. So I understand the attraction of the go-getter quality, at the same the difficulty of dealing with spoiled ambitious men when they are looking for work. Now “AR” is as good a time as any to find out if you really love(d) him. Chances are the answer is no. Most women who date men for their bank accounts or appearances do become disappointed. The men who choose women for how they look on their arm are also disappointed. The financial crisis–and it’s only beginning!– is the time to see the man behind the curtain, to realize how very empty people’s lives are and ask the important questions.
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For all you sex in the city devotee or any women show, you should start asking yourself when some of the major media will commence a plagiarizing case against this site.
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Do FBFs really want a helpless princess that they can ‘rescue’?
YES. but women do the same thing. They look for men they can mold, change, rescue. Say it ain’t so.
Are our power struggles with FBFs due to our inability to accept their huge egos? Or is it their inability to accept a woman as successful as themselves?
I know many bankers married to other bankers. Same goes for Lawyers and Doctors.
Like attracts like. Maybe that might be the key answer to all your troubles.
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Sounds like a girl I used to date. I’d welcome another FGF sugar mommy.
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You girls are hilarious. This is so true… The people I used to know in the upper echelons from places like Merrill Lynch and Goldman Sachs. The old fuddy duddies with hedge funds and memberships to dolphin gym or Crunch. Please, don’t ever stop.
-Lawrence
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who really cares about your boyfriends lives. It servers them right to have screwed the economy. What comes around goes around. Now you know how the rest of middle america lives.
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If they aren’t dating they are going to massage parlors. The women at the spas are complaining of lower tips too!
Great blog by the way. -
Men are pretty simple.
Maybe he actually LIKES you and now that you have more time to spend with him he’s taking advantage. What a freaking novel idea…
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DABA Girls-
I please like to invite all 30 of you to Mumbai to live in my palace. I will sending my private plane if you accept. My assistant has confirmed to me you lovely ladies prefer the company of Indian Man. Very well it is my pleasure.
Harash Tata
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This is hilarious. You gals are obviously angling for an HBO series. If you can’t get a deal as generous as “Sex and the City” you should at least send a writing sample to the Onion.
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Talk about stupid bimbos - real or fake. According to Crowell and Petrus:
“…Not knowing what else to do, we did what enraged yet articulate people have done since the beginning of time. We started a blog.”
Huh?!?!?!?!!! Time started long before blogs and your whining is so last century. Grow up and get a job at Wal-mart like everyone else!
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……..well, I’m in Dallas and the men here all seem to want a woman who will take care of them (financially)!
If I got laid off…….my live-in bf would be on my a** nonstop about finding another job !
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I think it is fascinating reading about white women lives.
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Allison - great post! love it!
DABA Baby Fadda - who in the fk needs a man that yet to be molded? A type A personality working gal has no time for such bs.
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I lived in Manhattan for a few years and I now live in Paris. Both of these places are more fun if you have a lot of money to waste/spend (which I don’t). I can see how life, in general, can seem to blossom when you’re surrounding by pretty, no, BEAUTIFUL things. Lovely homes, astonishing paintings that you can view again and again in the privacy of your study, a beautiful wardrobe made by artists. These things can be very nice.
I feel sorry for couples that love each other and have to adjust to real, tangible changes in their life that probably seem to have come out of nowhere. I do NOT feel sorry for those who sacrificed the chance for love or for authentic, profound connection with a partner for a lifestyle they could not have attained on their own. The greed is pitiable, and it reveals selfishness as well as lack of faith in the most beautiful things in life, which (hint) will never be on sale in Bergdorfs.
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You are all a disgrace to women everywhere. Actually make that all humans. To be that self-involved, especially in this day and age, is just disgraceful.
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To answer your question: I’m not at all surprised by your FBF reaction to your employment dislocation.
I really don’t think you should take it as a negative. From an early age men are taught that being a knight in shinning armor affirms their masculinity. Many men are at their best when they feel they are coming to the rescue.
My wife lets me rescue her from time to time – most often its more about building my own self worth then her need to be rescued.
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DABA girl tears. Sooooo delicious
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is it more selfish to pursue love or to go for something stable? i wonder if these dabagirls and their men are just examples of modern day darwinism…natural selection. dabagirls are not sophisticated. they are following the traditions and instincts of looking for someone who can support them and their nest. the men are looking for a female most likely to provide healthy, good looking offspring. the superficial part, which helps run our imploding consumer society, is generated from our culture’s idea of success and happiness….as advertised.
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I can see the value in seeing oneself as a provider, the hunter/gatherer role. I’m just waiting for you girls to get around to dating journalists. I’m well-paid and job secure, a rarity in this biz.
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Where’s Molly the angry lesbian?
SPODE
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I probably dated more than my fair shares of millionaires and at least one billionaire. The knight in shining armor role is one they all covet. All but one wanted me to give up my less lucrative career (I bounce between $300-800,000 a year) to tag along on their ventures. My last dating foray with a merchant banker was in December 2008. The relationship started off with a great deal of intensity. 10-30 text messages a day. Three to four phone calls and I pretty much saw him every day except for five days when I was away on business. The travel days were melt-down days for him. He admitted he was a spoiled little boy used to getting his own way and that whatever work I was doing was not as important as to being with him and attending a dinner party with his friends that upcoming Saturday. We had a fun over Christmas together but his nerves were jangled. The financing for his latest deal was not coming together. He had just killed another deal before Christmas as it was no longer viable in this market and he admitted to feeling sick more than once or twice after checking his Blackberry about deals he was currently invested. He was no longer to able to meet his manly duties after receiving news on the 27th that must have been particularly harsh. He broke up with me on the telephone on morning of the 31st of December. He just “wasn’t feeling it” any more. Originally I racked it up to him being a player but in hindsight I see the tell tale signs of a wounded animal no longer feeling he is worth his woman. (It could also have been that he was now seeing me as competition as my business is recession proof. In fact I have seen an upswing in business and made $70,000 in January alone.) Men whose ego and worth are tied to their success in business, and more importantly their pocket books, tend to do the disappearing act when things get rough. They quit dating and hide out as K.D. becomes the only dine at home menu choice and the furniture is sold to meet financial obligations. The smart ones put cash away never fully trusting real estate or the stock market no matter how blue chip and ride rough times out with grace, but those gents are rare. Let your banker boy play hero for awhile. It may give him the second wind he needs to figure out how he is going to keep it together over the next twelve months. It is going to be a rocky ride so hang on tight. P.S. Thanks for giving up your time slot at Heavenly Spa to an honest working girl like me.
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As much as I enjoy these posts and can sympathize with the changes in these women’s lives due to the recession and the tension that percolates into their relationships, I cannot say this is representative of women in general, whether they are successful, disenfranchised, white or not. I hope they find what makes them happy in life whether it be becoming the trophy wife of some denlusional banker or one that is just as shallow as their female counterparts seem to be. Either way, I hope no one takes this too seriously for it hardly represents the rest of us that actually know what feminism stands for and the great many luxuries women have now because of their ancestors constant and thousand-year battle to get us where we are (under the “Feminist” banner): closer than ever to equity and equality socially, legally, and culturally to our male co-habitors of this Earth.
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To answer your question, no, men are more than satisfied if their women make more money than them. Preferred actually. Just not likely. Why? Because women judge men based on their jobs. i.e. how much they get paid. When a woman meets a man, her first question is “So what do you do?” If satisfied with the response then comes the exchange of names.
Fast forward the relationship where money is flowing from his pocket to yours in the form of gifts and vacations and everything is more or less O.K. The money dries up, the bitching starts, and he wants to leave you. It seems that for women, bitching is no more stressful than casually chatting pool side. For men, it’s not. Women are happy create an environment he doesn’t want to be in any longer because she isn’t getting what she joined the relationship for in the first place.
Hey Allison in the PNW, since you’re making so much money, you should have no need to be dating billionaires and zillionaires who are supposedly unjustifiably snobby. How about dating someone makes a little less?
Olivia, who are these “the rest of us that actually know what feminism stands for”? You’re not talking about good looking women are you?
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Do you angry feminist women who posted above understand the meaning of satire and humor? Seriously, you sound like complete idiots ranting and whining over a site intended to amuse and entertain. If you don’t find it amusing, don’t read it and go walk your dog and read a book.
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Ladies, your blog is so wonderfully disturbing I find it hard to stop reading. My addiction to your blog may need to be addressed in therapy. This is my new guilty pleasure.
Hey, at least it isn’t crack…
Keep it up. Honestly, it is pretty damn hilarious.
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Hey Equality-
So women judge men by their jobs, do they? Well, maybe some of the shallower ones do. I’d say judging men by their jobs is a damned sight more meaningful than judging a woman by how pretty her face is or how hot her body is, which we see too often. As a woman who happens to be both good-looking and rather successful (no boasting intended), I meet too many men who think my pretty face is worth more than my intelligence, and who are intimidated and even angry when I beat them at anything. Even in this progressive age, there are so many men who think women inferior and who refuse to open their eyes and see them as equally capable. Is it any surprise that those sexist guys can only catch a girl who is after his money and who will bitch at him the instant he starts pulling in less? I wish them all happiness.
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Allison, it sounds like he may be cheating…
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Allison in the PNW,
Congratulations on the good month you just had. Sounds like you are doing just fine.
Like Equality said, maybe you should find love in new places, such as the country outdoorsman ‘flannel’ type. Who knows?
Happiness is all about spending less than you earn, no matter what your lifestyle is. We, as humans, trade up or down into our new status quo. Trading down is painful, trading up is fun- but it all settles out over time. The key lies in your expectations.
Everyone can enjoy life so much more when they realize this. For example, here in Thailand people can live a very happy, basic life on $500 per month. I earn more than 40 times this but don’t feel 40 times happier. I’m generally happy but my job is quite demanding and stressful, with long hours. Life is short. There ain’t no f*cking do-overs. Enjoy it the first time around.
-Mike
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YES!!
They are definitively afraid of our higher incomes.
Like in the ancient times, men must provide the food to their homes. Remember when we use to stay at the caverns taking care of the children while they were out there hunting the animals??
Well, it remains quite the same these days, jajjaaa!!!The trick here (and always) is to be considered a princess needed of being rescued by him, even if you are the most supoerpowerfull woman of the world.
Being a superwomen make US feel great, not HIM!!! -
Why is it that the femenists are always the most agressive, and the first to attack women embracing a lifestyle they ? Wasn’t the whole point of the femenist movement that women should be allowed to CHOOSE how they want to live their lives? I was raised an independant, self-sufficient woman, I am private school, collage educated, and I STILL would choose be on the arm of my FBF.
It’s a free country, and if you don’t like the content, get off the site.
-Livin’ the DABA dream…
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