Exhibit A
For weeks now, like some collegiate virginal dude I have been staring at the same magazine cover: The Sport Illustrated swimsuit edition (Exhibit A). The first time I walked by it, I stopped dead in my 4 inch heel tracks. This is possibly the curviest model I’ve seen on the cover a magazine in a loooooong time. I was dumbfounded, she’s got an ass, boobs, “hell, moi should be on the cover of that magazine” I thought delusionally to myself.
Then came the fashion spread in W magazine. While skimming through the magazine that I borrowed/stole from my neighbor, the one with Drew on the cover, I couldn’t help but gasp out loud when I came to the Harvest story photographed by Mario Sorrenti (exhibit B).
“This model is bigger than you!” I mused aloud to my minuscule size 0 apartment.
I phoned up my petite-a-tite partner in crime and asked her if she had noticed the fashion faux pas fluke. Per usual she had a semi-factual explanation to the social phenomenon ready to go.
Me: “Yo, wud up with the models. They seem to be get gettin’ bigger- wtf!”
P.I.C: “Ob to the vi. Laney, this most definitely is to be expected. We are in a recession, and therefore curves are back a la the Great Depression. Resources are scarce and therefore it’s a sign of wealth and prosperity if your woman is full-bodied. The size of models is going to reflect this and they are going to start getting bigger. Remember the early 80’s during the Saving and Loan crisis when designers were putting SHOULDER PADS on everyone? Same thang my friend.”
Me, in utter shock: “I, I don’t understand. We’re not talking Playboy; we’re talking W MAGAZINE! Are you trying to tell me that Beyonce and Scarlett Johansen don’t need lipo?!? That models might actually stop eating Kleenex for dinner?!?”
P.I.C: “Precisely. Now, go throw out your scale and stop hiding your ghetto fab bootie behind that hoodie, which b.t.dubs wasn’t fooling anyone anyways.”
I hung up without so much as a “peace out”. My P.I.C.’s shocking word awoke me from the semi-comatose state I had been lingering in for the last month courtesy of a juice fad diet. I realized that this was a totally victorious coup for DABAs everywhere.
No longer do we have more “ass than the models.” Rather the models will be heavy on the T&A.
Feel free to ring up your fav Chinese food place and don’t fret when it arrives with two sets of chopsticks even though it’s just you and your couch having dinner; stop casting judgmental stares at that anorexic girl at your local coffee shop whom you are secretly jealous of; throw away those size 25 jeans that you’re never going to fit in to again…Rumor has it this recession is going to be going strong for the next 5-10 years. ENJOY IT! (and all the egg rolls you want a yumma yumma yumma)
It’s not often that we hear of a sample sale for men’s clothing so we thought we would pass this on. Is your FBF in a rut? Give him a ‘lil pick me up a Jil Sander sweater or a Trussardi shirt, and while you’re at it you can peruse the H. Lang. 
For th
