Exhibit A
For weeks now, like some collegiate virginal dude I have been staring at the same magazine cover: The Sport Illustrated swimsuit edition (Exhibit A). The first time I walked by it, I stopped dead in my 4 inch heel tracks. This is possibly the curviest model I’ve seen on the cover a magazine in a loooooong time. I was dumbfounded, she’s got an ass, boobs, “hell, moi should be on the cover of that magazine” I thought delusionally to myself.
Then came the fashion spread in W magazine. While skimming through the magazine that I borrowed/stole from my neighbor, the one with Drew on the cover, I couldn’t help but gasp out loud when I came to the Harvest story photographed by Mario Sorrenti (exhibit B).
“This model is bigger than you!” I mused aloud to my minuscule size 0 apartment.
I phoned up my petite-a-tite partner in crime and asked her if she had noticed the fashion faux pas fluke. Per usual she had a semi-factual explanation to the social phenomenon ready to go.
Me: “Yo, wud up with the models. They seem to be get gettin’ bigger- wtf!”
P.I.C: “Ob to the vi. Laney, this most definitely is to be expected. We are in a recession, and therefore curves are back a la the Great Depression. Resources are scarce and therefore it’s a sign of wealth and prosperity if your woman is full-bodied. The size of models is going to reflect this and they are going to start getting bigger. Remember the early 80’s during the Saving and Loan crisis when designers were putting SHOULDER PADS on everyone? Same thang my friend.”
Me, in utter shock: “I, I don’t understand. We’re not talking Playboy; we’re talking W MAGAZINE! Are you trying to tell me that Beyonce and Scarlett Johansen don’t need lipo?!? That models might actually stop eating Kleenex for dinner?!?”
P.I.C: “Precisely. Now, go throw out your scale and stop hiding your ghetto fab bootie behind that hoodie, which b.t.dubs wasn’t fooling anyone anyways.”
I hung up without so much as a “peace out”. My P.I.C.’s shocking word awoke me from the semi-comatose state I had been lingering in for the last month courtesy of a juice fad diet. I realized that this was a totally victorious coup for DABAs everywhere.
No longer do we have more “ass than the models.” Rather the models will be heavy on the T&A.
Feel free to ring up your fav Chinese food place and don’t fret when it arrives with two sets of chopsticks even though it’s just you and your couch having dinner; stop casting judgmental stares at that anorexic girl at your local coffee shop whom you are secretly jealous of; throw away those size 25 jeans that you’re never going to fit in to again…Rumor has it this recession is going to be going strong for the next 5-10 years. ENJOY IT! (and all the egg rolls you want a yumma yumma yumma)
Tags: Sport Illustrated
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Does this mean if I take a model out for dinner I should expect she’ll actually order something? Shit! Fix the economy already! Hope and change!
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my FBF and his friends have been talking non stop about this SI since it came out andddd the other day they were all talking about how when girls loose weight the first place it comes from is their boobs so maybe these are all signs that i need to cute back on the diet and exercise… but sorry boys, not going to happen. There is something about being fit and healthy they you just dont get when you are curvy and pudgy.
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Woo-hoo, so that means I don’t even have to worry how to get rid of the baby flab and just keep on being comfy in my maternity jeans? Bring on the cupcakes!
You rock, ladies! Just read about you in the new Grazia - love your blog, love your attitude, love your style! And although I am not part of the game anymore (completely relocated to new professional and romantic territories), I can highly relate and shiver with nostalgica reading about your experiences.
x from London
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wouldn’t excatly call the model on this cover “pudgy”, curvy yes.
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Earth to Daba-land…whilst you are posting about weariful Sports Illustrated covers, G20 summit has landed in London. Protests abound and the City is going to get hit HARD. Tomorrow is the kick off of some seriously nasty protests. Bankers are being advised to stay inside, dress down (no, not chinos and deck shoes- more like jeans and trainers) so as to avoid the wrath of militant anarchists who are Euro-starring it over from Italy, France, Germany. Obama is here, along with all of the world leaders in the biggest meeting since World War II.
Where is your City Wag to report on this? (and I doubt she is in Courchevel; ‘financial diets’ abound; pre-Easter ski trips are cut).
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I know she’s been “dating” Leo Decaprio. He gets all the top shelf girls.
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I’ve been fixated on Bar Rafaeli since SI came out too. She’s gorgeous!
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do girls read SI? hmmm. anyhoo. that is NOT what i would call a curvy model. beyonce is curvy. Scarlett is curvy. but bar rafaeli? all i see is boobs
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Did you eat a whole camembert at lunch (next time try an nice brie on a baguette and dip it in your café au lait, it’s just awesome) for using french word every 2 sentences?
It’s getting hard to understand you, please just speak plain English, it’s so ridiculous to mix both…
And what petite-a-tite could possibly means? Small? Then just say petite, petite-a-tite doesn’t mean anything. -
Something I realized- not the place for good info about anything. Vapid girls. Bet they can’t sympathize with their boys. Especially if their boys talk shop the way they do here.
A better place to check would be the USDX Futures Index. That actually is helpful.
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I am SO jealous of Bar! She is SO beautiful!!!! And she is so tall, mabye 5″11″ and has very nice boobs too. I think she’s the first true beauty in many years on Sports Illustrated’s cover– since Cristie Brinkeley. My dad kept the Sports Illustrated Magazine with her on it, and now I look at it when I visit him. But even Cristie had her problems with her husband Peter cheating on her with an 18 year old! How ridiculuous. That is the problem with men, and not just FBFs. No matter how beautiful we are, once men have us, they always look for another beautiful woman to sleep with.
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Is this for real? You were so good when you just started! What happened???
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where is exhibit B?
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Bar Rafaeli is smoking hot. I bet the girl who wrote this article is a fat pig. Yeah she’s got the boobs and the ass of Bar, but they are full of cellulite and instead of a flat stomach, she has six folds of fat. Most men never liked that anorexic look on the ramp. Now calling Beyonce curvy is ridiculous, she is obese at best. Stop dreaming and do something about getting a body like Bar. Jenny Craig is still hiring.
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Barbara, Men have 4 basic needs: Food, alcohol, sex, and sex with someone new.
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That is sad, BL1Y, because I want stability in my life. Just because I am beautiful should not mean I don’t want ONE stable guy in my life. I wish it were like my grandparents. They have been together for almost 45 years and no problems.
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Girls,
Men womanize until one day, maybe, they fall in love and surrender to it. Very few men ever do this. Most devote much energy and money to making it impossible that this will ever happen. Until it does happen, and nothing a woman does can make it happen (tho there are a million things we do to make sure it doesn’t, i.e. emote, talk about feelings, bitch), men will get away with everything they can.
It doesn’t matter if you’re curvy, skinny, perfect-complected, whatever. Don’t waste your energy trying to meet their needs. Their needs are endless and endlessly changing. Eat if you’re hungy. Workout if you like it. Don’t do it for him. If he’s a grown up, he actually trully will love you just as you are.
It’s a energy-sucking assholes out there who’ll make you crazy doubting yourself. SI hasn’t changed a bit over the years. Neither have men.
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Barbara: Not all guys are womanizers. I like to get around while I’m single, but once I’m in a relationship I’m faithful. The key is to find out why the guy is looking elsewhere and deal with that. Maybe he doesn’t find you as attractive, if so, be honest about the effort you’re putting in. Maybe he wants the admiration of his friends of coworkers; then you should talk him up more, do a little more PR, and sometimes accept that he might really appreciate using you to make his buddies jealous. Maybe he just needs to feel more attractive; in that case try to initiate sex more often and let him know he’s doing a good job (or help him if he isn’t); if he doesn’t think you want it, he’ll look for someone who does.
But, I think what happens a lot is a guy will get into a relationship thinking he doesn’t have better options, and then he either gets the options or just gets more confidence, and wants to see what else is available. Not much of a solution to that, you’re just in the wrong relationship.
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BL1Y, youre probabley right. My issue is that I always fall for the hottest jock, who always persues me. It works for a while, but then he loses interest, except for sex, and goes back to his buddies and most of the time focuses on sports all of the time. That’s why I decided on getting away from the jocks to smart guys. An FBF hopefully will see me for what I am and not go try and sleep with one of my friends.
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Darling DABAs, while I’m about three years away from becoming even a DABIT, I already look up to you and am, as redundant as it may sound, a DABIT in training. And I have always listened to you and agreed with you, even though I live way off the radar (aka Brooklyn). But I’m a little bit confused. Is the prerequisite for DABA beauty as generic as you would have me to believe by this post - no boobs, no ass, no nothing, just cheekbones? Because while I definitely have the cheek bones, I also have more going on than Bar Rafaeli up there in terms of “curvy”. So please tell me that what I gather from your post is wrong, and that before this you DABAs didn’t look down on girls like me and think “lipo alert!”.
Still love ya!P.S. Curvy doesn’t mean pudgy, chubby, or fat. Curvy means Brigitte Bardot and Marilyn Monroe.
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I know you’re talking about Lara Stone in the W story, she’s phenomenal, but really only because of her boobs. She’s unlike any of the high-fashion (read not Sports Illustrated/Victoria’s Secret) models because of this reason, which makes her so awesome. I doubt she’s setting any trends in the industry though, she’s one-of-a-kind.
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