Dear DABAs,
I am a young, southern belle DABIT confused and discouraged with my past failures of snagging my very own FBF. I’m in great need of sage wisdom from my more experienced sisters.
It’s been the same story every time- I meet a guy, he’s attracted to me initially, calling and emailing me, dates ensue. But then, soon after, they stop asking to hang out, stop contacting me, and in the end, I’m left in the dark, wondering what had happened.
At first I thought it was maybe the age; they were still young and noncommittal. However, I just found out recently that one of them has settled down into a serious relationship!
I know your philosophy is: there’s nothing wrong w/ you, it’s “their loss” but after multiple failures, I can’t help but to wonder if I will be forever doomed.
I’m smart, sweet, attractive, and fun, and I’ve tried every trick in the book and nothing seems to work.
Are you sisters born with a special mutated gene, a god-given birthright that is needed to turn these finance boys into FBFs or is there still some secrets left that can change my streak of misfortune?
I know I have a lot to learn and I am patient and willing to go through the whole training process. I also recognize that some of the learning can only be grasped through experience. Therefore, I want to take this summer to really refine and improve myself to becoming one step closer into a true DABA.
Any tips or must-dos you can provide to nurture your little DABITS?
S Belle
Dear S Belle,
We applaud your commitment and desire to graduate from DABIT to DABA. So much so that we skipped Taco Tuesday at Rewind and Eugene Remm and Mark Birnbaum’s annual bday bash at Tenjune to compose this post. Below please find the five-step process to total DABA enlightenment. It’s not exactly FDA approved, actually we have no idea if it works at all (did you read It All Started When…?), but we feel like this should do the trick.
Step 1: Lose five lbs, get your nails did and your hair did too. Buy yourself something that will make you feel like the hottest thang since Adriana Lima on the Victoria Secret runway.
Step 2: Buy a pair of horse blinders. Put them on and do not take them off until we say so. These will keep you looking at any of the loser boys you’re hanging out with right now. You need to keep your eye on the prize.
Step 3: Go to your closest Barnes and Noble or library (be careful crossing streets with your blinders on). Get the following books:
-The Rules. Read it cover to cover. Yes it’s a little dated but until our revamped version gets published it will have to do.
-The Manual. If you don’t have a brother this is a must read.
-Why Him Why Her? This book is fascinating and will help you weed out all the FBFs that aren’t right for you.
The above books will thoroughly put you off to men for a while, at least long enough for us to get you to realize your DABA power (which is really what this is all about).
Step 4: Go back to the library. Exchange all the retarded self-books we just prescribed for below.
-What Color is Your Parachute? The key to DABA enlightenment is to realize that this is all about you. Your self-help research is not about figuring out how to get a guy back, it’s about refocusing the attention to you.
-Are Men Necessary? The text within isn’t terribly groundbreaking but by repeating the title over and over you will start to understand how inconsequential men are and how it’s quite possible that the conspiracy theories in The Da Vinci Code might actually be true.
-The Female Brain. Our current obsession.
Step 5: Read the New York Times every day- front to back (although be particularly wary of anything you read about dating blogs- they’ve been known to get some facts wrong).
We’re guessing that by the time you’ve finished steps 1-5 it’s going to be close to the end of the summer and you’ll be cursing us for having just wasted your entire break that could have been spent at the beach unsuccessfully throwing yourself at boys. But trust us, you are now eons ahead of all the other DABITs out there. It’s all about realizing that you little DABIT hold the cards. The second that you truly believe this all the boys are going to come a running.
(Feel free to repeat Step 1 throughout the summer. Looking great never hurt anyone.)
xo
The DABA Girls
Tags: Adriana Lima, Are men necessary, Barnes and Noble, maureen dowd, The Manual, The Rules, Victoria Secret, Why him why her
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I wholeheartedly agree with this. Too many times, DABITs assume that men will go for them if they are perky and cute. Yes, but not for the long-term. A DABA must also be alluring, and be able to hold their own on an intellectual level with the FBF. In fact, the DABA must in many instances be smart enough to convince the FBF that he should get married to the DABA, so that his life will be worthwhile. I agree that the NY Times is the best single read for a DABIT trying to land an FBF and become a full-fledged DABA, and, in time to become MRS. MABA.
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If you are from the south why would yo want to go to New York City. It might be the most overrated city in the world. Weather sucks, people are stressed, and its too expensive. Do you really like museums, 10 dollar beers and public transportation that much?
There are chemical and petroleum engineers in Houston, Charlotte and Raleigh are Booming and Dallas and Atlanta will always be Dallas and Atlanta. Carleston, Nashville I mean come on…
You can live in a tin can with four roommates in that island and spend the little money left on overpriced organic food or rock out in Austin, have as much fun and save something for retirement or whatever.
New York and finance are not only passé…I don’t think they ever were all that grand
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if you don’t like nyc then don’t be so fucking jealous of how much better everything is - there’s a reason shit here is expensive and shit there is cheap.
Also, sprawl? please.
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For me : one of the great romantic date ideas is to spend it out with nature. Go on a picnic trip in a secluded area with a great view. Or a candle lit dinner in your own backyard, patio or terrace. Use the stars as your backdrop and the candles to create intimacy.
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Please don’t promote the NY Times which downcasts just about everything your FBF prescribes to do and be.
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First of all, The Manual is one of the shittiest books ever. Here’s a brief synopsis: Guys like looking at hot girls.
The real problem with her is her attitude: “I’m smart, sweet, attractive, and fun.” No one who actually is any of these things feels the need to announce it. I have met so many women, especially of the Type A* variety, who wonder why they can’t get a man even though they’re the whole package. The answer is always the same, they’re self-centered egomaniacal wretches. They think that just because they aren’t fat and have a fancy degree that they deserve the world and that they can get it by logically convincing the world that it’s owed to them.
There’s only one way to cure her of this: Go pick some charity to volunteer at for 5 hours a week. Then tell literally no one that you do it. Swear to never put it on a resume or bring it up in conversation. Not with boys, not with friends, not with family. Right now you probably spend 10 times more effort and energy trying to get kudos, sympathy, whatever for improving yourself than you actually spend working on improving yourself. You’d rather spend your time convincing people to like you than working on being more likable.
I know, I’m making a lot of assumptions based on such a short letter, but I also know a lot of women for whom all of this is true. So, if it doesn’t apply to you, it probably will for one of the readers. Cheers!
*Avoid anyone who describes themselves as Type A, they use the label as a justification for lacking a personality deprived, socially retarded.
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dear DABA girls,
while i thoroughly enjoy your societal and tactical musings, i have sworn off dating FBF’s for the duration. i find that they are entirely too self-centered, and i’ve realized that i no longer have the patience to hand-hold and ego-stroke. i’m not a hugely high-maintenance creature myself, i mean, come on!
i’ve abandonned FBF’s for men who can actually hold a hammer, saw a log and fix my bicycle. i’ve lost interest in these socially underdeveloped specimens who’ve been coddled by their mothers and spoiled by their fathers for much too long. this kid-glove-handling has produced a disturbing generation of man-boys, who’s engrained sentiment of entitlement taints every relationship they have.
i’m over it! give me a real man!
plus, it looks like this ‘great recession’ has paved the way for a ‘great defection’ of sorts:
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE55A02Q20090611?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0
best of luck with your pursuit of the perfect FBF! i’m after the lumberjacks..
xo
an ex-DABA
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here comes to mind one thing
The ones who can Have/DO
The ones who cant teachYou dont have Boyfriends
and you teach -
Michael, just curious, but who says we don’t have boyfriends?
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Dude, the DABAs who run this website MUST have boyfriends. One is smokin’ hot, and the other one is just about as hot. If they don’t, all they have to do is whistle and there will be plenty of dudes (if not finance boyfriends) lining up.
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im curious when girls say im young how young are they? I hope its 25 or under.
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@ hollywood north - amen. a man who can actually fix & build stuff is great, esp. as they tend not to be these narcissistic, egotistical, self-entitled babies like most of the finance men described in this blog sound like. i think a man who is handy is priceless.
@ Michael - get a clue! The ones who can’t have/do teach? Sure there are crappy teachers but there are also people having/doing who are ALSO doing a terrible job if this current economy is any indication. This cliched phrase is an insult to all the GOOD teachers out there since NOT being a teacher is NO indication that you are good at your job (unless your job is swindling thousands out of millions) or are contributing anything to society. Have some respect for teachers and before you look down on them, why don’t YOU try teaching whatever it is you are apparently fabulous at and see how good you are. Good teachers are invaluable and they are working hard for little pay & no glamour - what do YOU do that makes you so great?
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You’re site is fantastic. You girls have everything my shallow readers are looking for in women. I’ve added you to my blogroll. -Dopey
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I wonder what horse blinders are..hmmm
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