I think it's supposed to read, avoid texting while DATING
This past weekend we lounged around at DABA headquarters doing what DABAs do while partaking in a group Hamptons detox, indulging in self-help book binging, marathon man over-analyzing discussions, work catch-up (from having ditched out on work early the last five Fridays), and sushi spending sprees. (Bt dubs the Hamptons detox is a chic new diet that calls for no burgers, fries, or blacking out for two days and gives you a healthy glow in less time than a roundtrip Jitney ride.) One of the founding DABAs had dished some tough love crackberry advice the previous night to another DABA Girl and each were presenting their closing arguments:
DABA Girl #1: You most definitely cannot become blackberry messenger friends while casually dating.
DABA Girl #2: I disagree. It is not any different from texting.
DABA Girl #1: What planet are you living on? When you blackberry messenger you can see when the other person has read your text message. It takes away all mystery, and all the fun from flirtexting. What if they don’t respond right away? What if they read your text and then don’t write back? Maybe for hours? I don’t care how many yoga classes you’ve gone to that day, you’re going to freak out.
DABA Girl #2: You are officially an OCD DABA BBMer. I’ve dated enough finance guys to know that they are extremely busy at work. Text reply time is in no way reflective of their feelings.
DABA Girl #3: Really? I always thought that there was a reverse correlation between text response time and their feelings for you. The shorter they take to write back the more they adore you.
DABA Girl #1: Oh no you didn’t just play the I’ve-dated-enough-finance-guys-to-know card. Lemme tell you my friend, I’ve dated enough finance guys to know that what DABA #3 so articulately explained is tres true.
Well, the debate was never resolved (the blondies from Gwyenth’s GOOP email last week emerged from the oven just in time to calm the brewing tension) and so we turn to you to settle the debate: should a blackberry messenger invite be the new engagement ring? Do not accept unless you expect to partake in a serious monogamous relationship. Or is it the new text message?
Send in your votes today.
Tags: Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow, jitney
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Oh, Jeebus. When Cygne was still in the dating pool, we had phone calls. And not on cell phones. Yes, I am probably old enough to be the DABA’s Mummy.
IMHO, ALL meetings, no matter how important, have breaks. At least to use the bathroom. A quick “LUV YA, Swamped!” doesn’t add but ten seconds to the average nature call. IF you’re that important to him, he’ll send something back within a few hours at most.
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I’ve had a BlackBerry for years (soon will have an iPhone) and never touched bb messenger. Why would I when I have unlimited text, and not everyone I know has a bb. Even when my gf had a blackberry, messenger was never brought up. A poll on bb messenger is almost irrelevant nowadays. BB messenger is for attention-starved kiddies.
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My boyfriend finally proposed to me and gave me the 2 Kt ring I wanted! It took almost 3 years, but I now am getting married. I learned to stand up for myself and what I wanted over the last 6 months, and I think the dabagirls helped me get my priorities straight. When I told Larry about the dabagirls website, you know what, he already knew about this place! Maybe he saw that I had other options. Thanks, dabagirls, I REALLY love this place and will recomend it to my friends who also want to get married. I hope my story will help other dabagirls to stand up for themself and to make sure their boyfriends know what they might loose if they are not careful.
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It’s totally just the new text message. If he reads and doesn’t respond immediately after reading, he’s just NOT that into you.
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Nowadays a BBM invite is no different from a facebook friend request. I doubt any guy is thinking there are strings attached. So yes, it’s the new text message.
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I’ve dated enough finance guys to know that the only thing text turnaround time is dependent upon is how much they want to give it to you that night. These guy only have time for two things: work and sex. If it isn’t work related, guess what…..
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How soon the guy writes back has more to do with his game than with how much he likes you. If he doesn’t write back at all, or just gives a short non-substantive reply, he doesn’t like you. Otherwise, if you get a reply, he’s interested.
Guys who are desperate or have very little experience will write back immediately. But, by their mid-20s every guy should have caught on that this is how desperate, loser guys act, so they wait. But, if a guy is waiting too long (like 3 days after a date to send you a text) it means that he doesn’t really have any confidence and is trying to fake it, and is a pretty bad fake. It’s a bad imitation because a guy who is genuinely secure and confident will write back whenever he feels like it, and not play silly little girl games (we leave those games to silly little girls).
How soon the guy replies doesn’t tell you what he thinks about you, it tells you what he thinks about himself. Look at the actual content of the message to find out how much he likes you.
As for whether you should BBMessage the guy, don’t. The ability to tell when he’s read your message is just going to make you obsessive. If you want to make a really good impression, pick up your phone and call him. If he doesn’t answer…leave a message. It’ll blow him the frack away. He’ll never have seen a girl with so much chutzpah to actually risk verbal contact.
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Where have all the DABAs gone? Is the time of the DABA over?
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dabas..WHAT is going on? the updates are fewer and farther in between now. is the blog dying?
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Nancy, your so lucky to find a good guy to marry you. All I see around here are trolls that just want to sleep with me. So many games–I see this BL1Y must be a player, not for me. I want a steady guy who will be there for me at night, not getting drunk with his friends at a strip joint and bringing home an STD or 2. No thank you!
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BBMing with a guy is only acceptable if he has once become your official FBF. Other than that, we don’t need yet ANOTHER form of communication that doesn’t require actually picking up the phone and dialing.
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What advice does the DABA website have for decent finance women? I have to put up with stupid nonsense from these I-bankers all day–it’s like a play pen here, and I can not believe there are women who are anxious to date these little losers.
I want to find a real man who is mature and honest, and guess what, I haven’t seen any in this industry, and I’ve been here for 4 years this month!
Where are the decent men? Not in the I-Banks! Help!
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Lorri: You complain about games, but call me an un-datable player for explaining the games guys play?
I can see why you only attract trolls.
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Ally: Most bankers become bankers to get women. Or, they become bankers to get money, and they want money to get women. Or, they become bankers to get prestige, and they want prestige to get women. If they could get women based on their looks or personality, they’d pick a lower stress job they honestly enjoy.
So, most of the guys you meet at work are going to be awful with women. Find a guy that does something else and is happy with his job.
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Priceless article. Was just considering breaking up with my FBF because of his response time on text. The waiting kills me and the conversations are so short and to the point. Where is the fun flirty banter? We have created such a glass wall in communication because of text and BBM. If we just get on the phone, we can make the progress of 2 hours of texting and fighttexting and just enjoy our communication and humor.
DABA - I am you and I love you! Keep em coming!
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4. The funny thing is that the BF and i didn’t have the talk until way after exclusivity had already been established almost naturally. i just asked him one day, ’so are we seeing just each other or what?’ even tho i already knew the response. he answered, ‘well, i haven’t been seeing anyone else for several months so it’s just you and me, baby.’
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