Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
Dear readers,
We know that we have been conspicuously absent as of recent. But don’t think that this means that we haven’t been thinking about you. No, in fact we have a gift for you. Quite possibly the best Christmas present of all. One of faith, hope, inspiration, and there is enough for everyone. My friends, we have come up with our most genius idea of all and we are sharing it with you this holiday season.
As of this second, we are implementing a city wide….
MAN BAN
Through countless trials and tribulations of our own and those of our readers we have come to realize that the only way in which the female population is going to regain power over this city of boys (we refuse to call them men) is to no longer give them what they want. Yep, that’s right. NO MORE SEX. Seriously.
Just think about it. What if every single woman out there stopped having sex. No more one night stands. No more casual hook-ups. No more f*ck buddies. No more ex-sex. No more let’s start having sex and if it’s good then attempt to backtrack into a relationship. The boys of New York would have to start working for it!
We realize that right about now you’re thinking we’re insane. Those DABA Girls have officially lost it. But before you go and denounce all that is DABA, think about this: what if the roles were reversed? We’ll put it in terms that all women can understand. Instead of sex let’s say that men had something that every woman in New York wanted: shoes. And not just any old pair of shoes, they had unlimited supplies of the most coveted Louboutins, Brian Atwoods, Manolos, and Jimmys… Now, imagine if every man in New York just gave you a pair of shoes when you went home with him. You didn’t have to work for it, you didn’t have to commit to him, you didn’t have to call him, you didn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to do and you still got the goods.
Imagining that this scenario is reality, does it help you understand why THE MAN BAN has to be implemented? If every man was just giving away his designer shoes what would make you want to stay and get to know them? Nothing!!! You would be too preoccupied in going out to get another pair of shoes. Worst of all, it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal to have received this season’s black patent studded platforms because you would know that you could get a different pair just going home with another guy.
Listen closely. As of this second, NO MORE SEX. Trust us, we have already implemented the Man Ban in our own lives and the results -frankly - have been astounding.
Just think of all there is to gain!
No more analyzing why he hasn’t called, why he hasn’t committed, or wondering how many other girls he’s sleeping with. Our heads are clearer (don’t worry, we’re currently speaking to Bloomberg about subsidizing vibrators for the single ladies of New York) and we have copious amounts of free time (that used to be spent over analyzing his noncommittal behavior) to do things like run marathons, volunteer at homeless shelters, write books, climb the corporate ladder, and perfect our chocolate chip cookie recipes.
Yes, dear readers, we have officially figured out what women everywhere have been trying to figure out: how to have it all. NOW, GET TO IT! Delete those numbers, cancel those sex dates, leave those loser boys sitting at the bar!
2010 is the year of the DABA MAN BAN (that is of course, until we get our FBF so tightly wrapped around our fingers that he morphs into a 3 carat diamond ring).
P dot s, if you simply must have sex please have the courtesy to do so out of New York. Flights to L.A. are cheap.
Tags: Man Ban
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Girls you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!! Let’s hope the word will spread in London as well …
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RE: 3 carat diamond- you don’t want one of those. Such a bore for insurance purposes and you need a faux stone to wear for day-to-day purposes. Unless you are Kobe’s wife, who probably doesn’t leave the house anyway.
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agreed! I’ve been saying/implementing this since the summer and it’s so much better!
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Now, seriously: have you called my Granny?
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I am in 100% agreement. So funny b/c I came to this brilliant conclusion about a month ago myself. Love to see we are on the same page girls! (And by the way, I do see myself as a feminist and have determined we are actually wielding our power more effectively in this way)
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This sounds like Lysistrata. Oh, the greeks…
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The greatest irony of the feminist movement is that it helped men! Women have to do more, work harder, earn their own living while men have less responsibility of being a provider, and have a easier time getting sex with no commitment. But unfortunately for women, there is no going back as men will only gravitate to those who have bought into the feminist movement, leaving those women that try to go back, holding the bag.
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I have been talking (and preaching to my girlfriends) about this EXACT same thing for the past few weeks. I swore to them that the next guy in whom I am interested will not be getting it for a loooonnnngggg time. I have good self control and a Hitachi Magic Wand. What more does a girl need??
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I will try this. I have had so much anxiety lately with boys that have screwed me over I will stop trying to understand why. Do you know of a store we can buy upscale dildoes without having to go into seedy places where the men leer at us? My friend once took me to a place on the lower east side, but the men in there literally stripped me with their looks.
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wow. so true. shoes was the perfect analogy. DABA MAN BAN is on! Happy Holidays!!
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I’m definitely making this my New Years Resolution. I am an attractive, motivated, intelligent and desirable young woman… yet men seem to think they can trample all over me and treat me like just another girl on their “rotation.” I and all of YOU deserve better. The only way this will truly work and shift our society back to the way it used to be–filled with chivalry, flowers and frequent (non-sex) dates–is if we ALL implement the MAN BAN.
PS- if you haven’t read up on the new Docker’s ad campaign, get on it. http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2009/12/09/2009-12-09_new_dockers_ad_campaign_for_soft_khakis_brings_charges_of_sexism_over_.html
I don’t call this sexism. We DO need more REAL MEN back in the world.
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ha! this reeks of “i got dumped and i’m bitter at all men”. just face it, the only reason you thought you had the power was because you met the weak, pathetic losers that managed to wiggle their way into the finance industry. just beware, the crap has been weeded out. would like to see your stance when bonus time comes around in a couple months as there was a lot of money to be made in ‘09. merry christmas and a happy new celibate year
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Now hold on gals. Do you seriously think keeping a dime between your knees will be better for anyone? There will always be women who will be available for us, and that will hurt you in the long run, particularly if we wind up sucked in by those broads. You women would do better to go back to the good old days of the 1970’s when there was not such a hangup associated with sex. Women did it and men did it, and there was no strings attached. Free love, and woodstock is what made us what we are today. Stop treating your crotches like the crown jewels and we will all be better off. Besides, if you put out, we will too, including the 3 karat diamond. After all, that will keep you dames happy, no?
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LOVE the title of this…Grandma DID know what she was talking about. And um, 3 carat diamonds are ANYTHING but a bore Kensington Calling. EVERY girl who listened to her grandmother and didn’t take the ridiculous feminist movement too far wants one. Don’t be so bitter.
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Everything old is new again. This has been tried before. What you’re proposing is a modern day Lysistrata (Google it).
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vibrator suggestions?
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I’m in! Seriously, we have been giving it away randomly, thoughtlessly and for free for too long; no wonder they forgot how to work for it, or even that they had to! So annoying that it is us that have enabled these perfectly good specimens of potential husbands to turn into thoughtless, lazy, egotistical boys. We have to re-claim our powers. They should be chasing us, calling us, cherishing us, and most importantly fighting for and winning our affections. When we go back to acting like the prizes we are, the FBFs (and other acceptable potential husband types), will have no choice but to work hard and tread carefully in order to get, and unwrap us. And believe you me, there is nothing that will make you a more desired,wonderful, happy DABA girl, as an MPV thinking and treating you as a prize. So ladies: continue hitting the gym, load up on extracurricular activities, and of course don’t forget to stock up on batteries, because it may take a while to teach these puppies new tricks, but ohhhh when they learn…how much sweeter will our new dating scene be!!!
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This is probably some of your best writing yet. I’m very impressed with the analogy but the idea is a little crazy. You expect me to abstain from fat, carbs AND sex??? May I sample some of whatever herb it is you’re smoking? Kthxbye.
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I agree with this. I am so tired of getting dumped on. Read this and lets do it!
It is sex that permits the women to seize control. The men are held captive to their carnal desires and are unable to deal with the women as they had previously. Sex is both the women’s weapon and their prize to withhold. Sex gives the women a power they would not ordinarily hold; and with the simple banding together of the women, the desire for sex leads the men to capitulate. One of the women, Myrrhine, uses her sexuality to tease her husband, and to assert her power over him. Near the end of the play, as Lysistrata tries to negotiate a peace, she uses sex to motivate the men, by parading a nude representation of reconciliation in front of the sex-deprived males. When this maneuver fails to work, Lysistrata plies the men with wine, in a ironic reversal of the traditional male effort to seduce a woman. When the men begin drinking they become even more desperate for sex, and finally agree to a truce.
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