Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
Dear readers,
We know that we have been conspicuously absent as of recent. But don’t think that this means that we haven’t been thinking about you. No, in fact we have a gift for you. Quite possibly the best Christmas present of all. One of faith, hope, inspiration, and there is enough for everyone. My friends, we have come up with our most genius idea of all and we are sharing it with you this holiday season.
As of this second, we are implementing a city wide….
MAN BAN
Through countless trials and tribulations of our own and those of our readers we have come to realize that the only way in which the female population is going to regain power over this city of boys (we refuse to call them men) is to no longer give them what they want. Yep, that’s right. NO MORE SEX. Seriously.
Just think about it. What if every single woman out there stopped having sex. No more one night stands. No more casual hook-ups. No more f*ck buddies. No more ex-sex. No more let’s start having sex and if it’s good then attempt to backtrack into a relationship. The boys of New York would have to start working for it!
We realize that right about now you’re thinking we’re insane. Those DABA Girls have officially lost it. But before you go and denounce all that is DABA, think about this: what if the roles were reversed? We’ll put it in terms that all women can understand. Instead of sex let’s say that men had something that every woman in New York wanted: shoes. And not just any old pair of shoes, they had unlimited supplies of the most coveted Louboutins, Brian Atwoods, Manolos, and Jimmys… Now, imagine if every man in New York just gave you a pair of shoes when you went home with him. You didn’t have to work for it, you didn’t have to commit to him, you didn’t have to call him, you didn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to do and you still got the goods.
Imagining that this scenario is reality, does it help you understand why THE MAN BAN has to be implemented? If every man was just giving away his designer shoes what would make you want to stay and get to know them? Nothing!!! You would be too preoccupied in going out to get another pair of shoes. Worst of all, it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal to have received this season’s black patent studded platforms because you would know that you could get a different pair just going home with another guy.
Listen closely. As of this second, NO MORE SEX. Trust us, we have already implemented the Man Ban in our own lives and the results -frankly - have been astounding.
Just think of all there is to gain!
No more analyzing why he hasn’t called, why he hasn’t committed, or wondering how many other girls he’s sleeping with. Our heads are clearer (don’t worry, we’re currently speaking to Bloomberg about subsidizing vibrators for the single ladies of New York) and we have copious amounts of free time (that used to be spent over analyzing his noncommittal behavior) to do things like run marathons, volunteer at homeless shelters, write books, climb the corporate ladder, and perfect our chocolate chip cookie recipes.
Yes, dear readers, we have officially figured out what women everywhere have been trying to figure out: how to have it all. NOW, GET TO IT! Delete those numbers, cancel those sex dates, leave those loser boys sitting at the bar!
2010 is the year of the DABA MAN BAN (that is of course, until we get our FBF so tightly wrapped around our fingers that he morphs into a 3 carat diamond ring).
P dot s, if you simply must have sex please have the courtesy to do so out of New York. Flights to L.A. are cheap.
